Somedays, I just don’t feel “holy.” Know what I mean? Somedays, I just don’t feel like I’m really dialed into Jesus. Somedays, I wake up, and unknowingly, I re-animate my flesh. I say re-animate because, according to Paul, my flesh is crucified with Christ (see Galatians 5:24) . If it’s dead, the only way it comes back is if I breathe life into it again. Today was one of those re-animating days.
I didn’t get out of the bed and say “Self, today I’d like to re-animate my old flesh!” If it were only that simple to do, then it would be that simple to recognize and put a stop to. It happens gradually. A perceived slight here, a selfish moment there, an unmet need or something akin to that in my mind and, helloooooo flesh!
I spent most of the day in a major funk. This funk only intensified when I had no caffeine and no lunch until nearly 4 o’clock. The raging headache only contributed to my generally sour mood. Amanda kept asking what was wrong, but I couldn’t really put my finger on it. At least, not for a while. Later, when I realized that I had a dead guy chained to me, and that I was letting him call the shots, I began the long, slow process of repentance.
It’s amazing to me how quickly I can fall back into “the old man.” I was a real jerk today. Selfish, moody, generally not fun to be around. Why? Because I didn’t get my way? Because I felt I wasn’t getting something I wanted? Because life wasn’t going “my way” this day?
Stupid, isn’t it? But truth. So I prayed, and I asked Amanda’s forgiveness for being a putz.
And I’ll start again tomorrow.