I’m going dark.
Getting off social media.
I’m not going to go on a rant on why you should follow suit, so don’t worry. I just know it’s not good for me right now. I don’t like what it’s doing to me. I can’t take a walk and enjoy the scenery without thinking of how that sunrise or that building would make a good picture to Instagram. I can’t read the Bible without thinking “Oh, I need to share this.” Even this blog has become something I don’t like, causing me to check hits and clicks and shares and who’s commenting. And who’s not.
I just don’t like what it’s doing in my heart.
We live in a world where image is everything, and we have the tools at our disposal to craft it. I haven’t sought to be disingenuous with my posting, whether Instagram, Facebook, or twitter. I’ve truly, especially in the last year, sought to be open and “real.” Trouble is, I’m so worried about doing those things that I fear I’m losing the real work in my heart.
So y’all know our story: I stepped down from my position at church. I left the ministry. We sold our house. We moved west. We started over. Blah blah blah…here’s the thing: we thought it was over. It’s not over. I’m not even sure it’s really even begun.
We say things about how God cares about the condition of our hearts more than anything else, yet we live and move in a culture that allows us to mask that heart any way we choose. We can keep ourselves numb to what’s really going on in that center-of-our-being place, blind to what’s really there thanks to busyness, connected-ness, and, gasp, even or especially, ministry.
So I’m getting off.
I’m going dark.
I was going to wait until Lent to do it, but why wait? If you’re in need of a physician, you don’t put it off, you make an appointment. If your tire is flat, you don’t keep driving on it. You pull over and take care of it.
My tire is flat. I’m pulling in the garage.
If you’ve humored me until now, you’re either family or a very good friend, and I truly appreciate that. You’re the reasons I posted this on here and didn’t just “go dark.” I figured you’d all think I was depressed…or had fallen off a cliff. I wanted you guys to know why. I would love to talk to any of you during this time. Seriously. If you feel led, reach out. You have my number. It’s the same.
I may be back. I may not. We’ll see what God does. Pray for me, and my family, if you would. God’s not done, and while that sounds super spiritual and “holy”, the truth is it’s hard and it’s not always pleasant. I’m ready for this season to be over. I’m ready for the heart-work to be done.
But I know, deep down, it won’t be anytime soon.
So pray for us, and we’ll pray for you.