I wrote about Moving On, and yet I keep getting pulled back. Sometimes it’s others, sometimes it’s me. Maybe “pressing on” is a better way to look at it?
The ol’ dog returning to his vomit isn’t always as cut and dry as we think. Sometimes, the stuff you should be avoiding isn’t as unappealing as vomit. Sometimes you’re drawn in because you care, because it freaking hurts to see people you care about going sideways.
I’m tired. I look it, too. Part of it is doing a physically demanding job for the first time since….ever.
Part of it is spiritual. Our pastor recently said that sometimes following God feels like He’s killing you. That resonated powerfully with me. He wasn’t talking about salvation, which is, by the grace of God, offered freely to all, but rather about following Jesus in this life. It’s hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. Following Jesus looks very little like our pat, cute little answers and a lot like hard work.
And part of it is emotional. Will we always feel the push and pull of our past? Our home? Our friends and family back east? Will it ever get easier? Someone once said it’s hard living life with one foot in the past. The question I want to ask is, “How the heck do you avoid it?” Because for me, it’s a constant highlight reel in my mind and heart. Songs and pictures and words and thoughts take me back in a moment. Sometimes that’s good. Sometimes it’s bad.
This morning, my sweet, amazing, beautiful wife shared some thoughts with me that were pure gold. She encouraged me to remember how the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand, and how we can’t look back. She reminded me how He brought us to a place of freedom, a good and fertile land. (Insert scriptures) she encouraged me to remember the words spoken over me by the Holy Spirit through some awesome brothers this time a year ago, and to not let those words fall away.
I’m so thankful for her, and for the way she’s blossomed in the midst of all this. I’m thankful for how she has pressed forward, especially when it’s been hard. I’m thankful for the times she’s rejected easy and safe “outs”, even possible returns, because she knows God isn’t done with us yet. “An excellent wife who can find?” The writer of Proverbs 31 asked. This guy, that’s who. So thankful to have her beside me, walking with me, encouraging me. I pray I’m doing the same for her.
So we’ll keep pressing on. Whatever it is that He’s doing, it’s worth it.